Friday, 18 January 2008

Tiny peaks are still peaks!


The weather - my mood, perfectly in sync at the moment, alas. Kicking against it, but weak kicks, as very tired. Against the rain’s drip drip drip my mantra I'm an artist, I'm an artist, I'm an artist, but it lacks conviction as I don't feel connected to anything much. Know it will pass. Hope soon. Wednesday was a bit better, sat in sunny garden in full winter regalia - coat, gloves, scarf -, drank in the sun and momentarily felt better. Thought about phrase ‘I don’t feel myself’ and tried to work out if I mean ‘I don’t feel myself‘ or ‘I don’t feel myself’. Both, I think. Thank goodness there is a part in me that knows how to push on almost by default (and hey, I probably have the M.E. to thank for that), a single vigilant cyclope’s eye open to minute changes in mood and energy, tiny peaks that can be used before greyness closes in again.

Thank you dear blogger friends for leaving such touching messages for me. To feel affection through the ether, that’s quite something. And it means a lot!

5 comments:

Joni said...

Hello Marjojo,
Nice meeting you ! I send you lots and lots of affection and comfort and encouragement through this ether, all the way from Belgium... I can understand very well what's going on inside you ;-), and I have been "studying" this state and what to do best then, when I find myself in it(hum, very often!), an ongoing process of research... But RELIEF IS to be found and it's important to REMEMBER WHAT works for you, and what makes things only worse (pitfalls!)... for the next time you find yourself drowning...
My name is Joni and I have had severe M.E. for over ten years now (am 35 now). But now I am following drawing classes, on Thursday evening, once a week, although I cannot make it every week (too ill, too exhausted, allergie attacks)... But it means so much to me! Being out there again and ART, yeah yeah ;-)!!!

Take good care and never give up hope !!!
Joni
(I recently started my own blog: http://partofme2-joni.blogspot.com)

redredday said...

hey there...tired and stuffy and constantly cold all day today :(. i got your message just as i finally dragged myself out of bed this afternoon. it's like you read my mind or something. :). did intend to put up a new post today on top of working in my freshly cleaned arranged workspace but ended up cleaning elsewhere and tearing recycled paper for paper mache stuff instead. quiet mindless moving around but mind was still so noisy.
just so glad to hear from you. i am using a bigger computer screen and it is so lovely how your orange pink crochet fills my screen when i click on it. like star burst. okay, maybe i will post up my little orange clementine as well... :).

lasuza said...

Hello again and Happy New year,

I keep meaning to leave another post as I came to London to see Louise Bourgeois in December and I thought of you and I will write again when I have taken the time to read through the catalogue and thought more about how this exhibition moved me. Your work is very beautiful, it sends me to thinking places and stays with me in the day. Keep making...

cally said...

so so lovely to get your message of a trip out. and of sunshine in this post.

some bursts of effort pay off when they puncture the dark days with different smells, tastes, sounds or experiences.

i'm grateful for your encouragement of my writing. i ended up popping in the comments because seeing it was bringing me down, not the writing itself, just the heaviness of it. it was messing with my desire to have the blog as one place that is free of woes.

but... i'm aware that sometimes i need to mark the hard times so i can see later that things have improved, or just so that people understand why i don't take up their offers to meet them in town for a cup of tea (40 mins travel each way).

your own writing is such an inspiration to me, i get so much from your words as much as your art and it makes me want to try harder. as always, thank you.

sending you sunshine thoughts.

Joni said...

Hi Marjojo!
I must admit I felt a bit excited when I read your wonderful message, thank you so much! I'm still down with the flu, but I'll be in touch again soon. I really hope your mood has "kept it up"! If it hasn't , it will get better again, really rely on that. I find it a very good question about the poetry, thanks, but I'll have to think it over ;-), and also warn you a bit, but that's for later... Today I saw the last episode of The Two Towers (part II of The Lord of the Rings). For the first time, yeah yeah... I really enjoy watching it, didn't expect that at all ;-)!I've also been thinking about all my future projects or phantasies, whatever ;-)... Oh oh, so many ideas and so little energy, you know what I mean ! I totally agree on what you said about blogging and writing, I guess I'll be under the same spell ;-)... I'm really sorry I hadn't noticed that you are from London. Belgium is not that far then! I just "accidentally" came across your blog and put my first comment ever, I think, otherwise I just don't recall it (and that's a serious possibility ;-)).
It was more like a gut feeling, haven't read through your blog yet, but will do so! My geographical intuition was a bit less accurate, I'm afraid, haha! I wish you a nice week to come with lots of laughter and chatting... I hope I will have some of that medicine too ;-)!
Take good care,
love,
Joni