I expend energy by the thimbleful, scooped from a very shallow pool, a puddle really. A slow skirt-dance of ripples when I dip in, then back to mirror-stillness.
When I am tired I feel like a blurred version of myself. At the moment I go out of focus a lot. Imagine a photo developing in its tray of chemical solution in the darkroom, releasing its image slowly, steadily, as if from nothing. At my worst I do the opposite: flat as a picture, I fade into a fog of white.
Or is this when I am most in focus? Exhausted, unable to lift a limb, having let everything drop away, desire, thinking, book, pen, telephone, crocheting hook, I can only just be, breath in, breath out.
2 comments:
this is very beautiful. very true, for me too--it seems when i am exhausted something new is growing inside and i don't know what it is yet.
yes, I feel like this often these days, very hot summer afternoon, numbness, desire to lie down endlessly, listening to the rythms of my body... and then forgetting even to listen.
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