Friday, 20 April 2007
Fear of failing/falling
Today I’m having a crisis of confidence: having had some disparaging professional feedback for my art I wonder if I’m going anywhere with it. On the one hand I can’t imagine my life without making art, ever, on the other hand I wonder if I’m kidding myself and nothing will come of it. Is it enough just to keep on producing work and making piece after piece, always somewhere on the sidelines, without professional recognition? A lot of the time I feel I’m engaged in a monologue - not sure if the language I speak is so incomprehensible to others that they don’t want to engage or if what I’ve got to say is just so banal/boring/been-there-done-that-already that it’s not worth hearing. I guess there are two ways of dealing with the fear of being mediocre (having one's art criticised is felt like a criticism of one's self, isn't it?) - I could stop in my tracks and let the crocheting hook, currently my chosen creative instrument, fall for good or I could let it spur me on to work harder, wield the hook like a weapon and make my marks deeper/sharper/stronger.